If your kids go from laughing together to yelling over who gets the blue cup, you’re not alone. Sibling rivalry is a normal part of growing up, but when the conflicts become constant, the daily family drama is exhausting for everyone involved.

Sibling relationships are some of the longest and most influential ones in our lives. They shape how kids learn to communicate, handle emotions, and resolve conflict. In fact, research shows that ongoing rivalry and unresolved conflict can impact a child’s mental, physical, and emotional development over time.

The good news? With a little guidance, you can help your kids work through their disagreements in healthy, respectful ways. In this article, we’ll explore simple, effective strategies to reduce sibling conflict and turn everyday arguments and sibling rivalry into opportunities for growth, connection, and stronger family bonds.

Understanding the Root Causes of Sibling Rivalry

Sibling arguments may seem like they’re about small things, like who got the bigger slice of cake or whose turn it is with a toy, but the real reasons often stem from underlying issues. Getting to the root of sibling conflict can help you respond with empathy and prevent small squabbles from getting out of control.

• Competition for parental attention: Kids naturally crave your time and affection. When one child feels like their sibling gets more attention or praise, even unintentionally, it can spark jealousy and resentment. This competition often fuels rivalry, especially if a child feels they’re being treated unfairly.
• Personality differences and interests: Some siblings click, while others clash. Differences in temperament, interests, or energy levels can lead to misunderstandings and irritations that turn into frequent arguments.
• Major life changes: Big transitions, like a new baby, divorce, remarriage, or moving, can shake up family dynamics. Children might feel insecure or displaced, and those feelings can show up as rivalry or conflict with their siblings.
• Perceived favoritism: Even subtle signs of favoritism, like praising one child more often or assigning blame unevenly, can trigger tension. When one child feels less seen or valued, it may cause them to act out toward their sibling.
• Developmental and emotional differences: As children grow, differing developmental stages and emotional maturity can influence how siblings interact with each other. Younger kids may lack the skills to manage their emotions, leading to more outbursts. Older siblings might express rivalry through teasing or excluding their sibling. In teenagers, sibling conflict can become more common as teens seek more independence while still having to share space and resources with their older or younger siblings.

How To Address Sibling Conflict Effectively

Addressing sibling conflict effectively requires a calm, measured approach that focuses on understanding each child’s perspective. Guiding children through constructive communication and conflict resolution strategies allows you to foster empathy and teach valuable problem-solving skills.

Set clear family rules and expectations

Establishing clear, consistent family rules helps create a predictable environment where everyone understands what’s expected. When kids know the rules—like speaking respectfully, keeping their hands to themselves, and taking turns—they’re less likely to let small disagreements escalate into bigger fights.

Posting the rules somewhere visible, like the fridge, can serve as a helpful reminder for everyone. Most importantly, be consistent in enforcing them. When kids know the consequences for breaking the rules and the rewards for following them, they’re more likely to cooperate and avoid fighting with their brothers and sisters.

Avoid taking sides during arguments

Taking sides during an argument can make one child feel like the bad guy and fuel resentment and sibling rivalry. Instead, parents and caregivers can take a more neutral approach by asking each child questions, like “Can you tell me what happened?” and “What can we do to make this better?” Remaining neutral can avoid any perceived favoritism that may make sibling fighting worse. 

These questions can help children explain their feelings, listen to each other, and come up with their own solutions. This approach also shifts the goal of resolving a disagreement away from finding out who was right and wrong and toward learning how to handle conflicts in a fair and respectful way. 

Encourage open and honest communication

One of the most powerful tools for resolving sibling conflict is teaching children how to communicate openly and honestly. A simple trick to help children express their feelings is using “I” statements. For example, “I feel upset when…”

“I” statements help avoid blaming language that can lead to more sibling conflict. Instead of saying, “You always take my toys!” a child can tell their sibling, “I feel upset when you take my toys without asking.” These statements can help siblings understand each other’s feelings and viewpoints without starting another fight. Using “I” statements may create an opportunity to turn an argument into a chance to solve problems and better understand each other. 

Foster empathy and understanding

When siblings are upset, it’s easy for them to get stuck in their own feelings and forget to see the other person’s side. Helping kids put themselves in their siblings’ shoes is a powerful way to build emotional connection and reduce resentment. Parents can guide this by asking questions like, “How do you think your sibling felt when that happened?” or “How would you feel if that happened to you?”

Teaching empathy can also stop sibling fighting from getting worse. People naturally tend to match how others treat them. If one child starts yelling, the other is likely to yell back. Encouraging a calm, kind approach from the start can set a more positive tone for a productive conversation where both sides feel heard. This stops the fight from spiraling into a bigger argument and helps siblings work toward understanding each other instead of just trying to “win” the argument.

Give each child individual attention

Sibling rivalry can stem from a competition for attention from parents and caregivers. Carving out one-on-one time with each child can help make each child feel valued and reduce the need to compete for parental approval.

Even small moments, like watching a TV show together or going on a walk, can make a big difference. When each sibling feels seen and appreciated for who they are as individuals, they may be less likely to compete for attention. 

Techniques for Preventing Escalation of Sibling Conflict

While some sibling disagreements are unavoidable, there are strategies to stop small arguments from turning into big blowups. Parents can help siblings manage conflict before it gets out of hand by modeling healthy behavior, teaching problem-solving skills, and encouraging teamwork.

Model healthy conflict resolution yourself

Kids learn how to handle their own problems by watching how the adults around them handle conflicts. If kids see their parents demonstrate respectful disagreement, compromise, and regulate their emotions during conflict, they’re more likely to adopt those same strategies.

“It is important to teach children conflict resolution by helping them listen to each other, and by encouraging siblings to find their own solutions to their conflicts. As parents, we also need to model healthy conflict resolution to our children so that they can learn appropriate ways to deal with sibling rivalry. This will lead to stronger sibling relationships and better emotional regulation in adulthood.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Olga Molina, D.S.W., LCSW

Teach problem-solving skills

Not all sibling fighting is bad. Sometimes, these conflicts can actually teach valuable lessons when they’re handled the right way. When siblings argue, parents can take the opportunity to coach them through solving the problem themselves by helping them brainstorm ideas to find fair solutions and compromises that both sides can accept.

This process can help kids learn how to handle disagreements in a healthy way that will benefit them at home, in friendships, at school, and beyond.

Create opportunities for teamwork

Encouraging siblings to work together on different activities, projects, or shared responsibilities can help strengthen their bond and reduce rivalry. Ideas for teamwork opportunities include:

• Completing a puzzle or a Lego set 
• Playing a cooperative board game or video game
• Completing a scavenger hunt 
• Doing chores together
• Cooking or baking together
• Volunteering as a family

When Sibling Rivalry Becomes a Bigger Concern

Occasional sibling rivalry and conflicts can be normal, but frequent hostility, bullying, or emotional harm signals that there may be a deeper issue that needs professional attention. 

Parents or caregivers should watch for signs of resentment, fear, or withdrawal that may indicate emotional struggles. If you notice that one or both children are consistently upset, anxious, or withdrawn due to their sibling relationships, it may be time to seek outside help or family therapy.

“If sibling conflict becomes challenging and is unresolved, seek the help of a therapist who can provide much-needed psychoeducation and support to the family.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Olga Molina, D.S.W., LCSW

Moving Toward Healthier Sibling Relationships

Parenting is hard, and dealing with sibling rivalry often makes it harder. Teaching your children problem-solving skills, empathy, and respect will help siblings grow their connection and support each other for life. If you ever find the tension in your family becoming overwhelming, don’t hesitate to seek outside support. Ongoing therapy can be a valuable resource for addressing deeper issues in children and teens, guiding both family and individual healing, and learning how to deal with sibling rivalry in a constructive way.

At Talkspace, you can connect with a licensed online therapist to help your family navigate sibling rivalry and family conflict. With the right tools and support, your family can build healthier relationships and create a more peaceful home environment. Small, consistent efforts today can lead to stronger sibling bonds that last a lifetime. 

Maybe going back to school is an idea that’s been floating around in the back of your head for years, or maybe things have changed, and now it finally feels like the right time. Regardless of what sparked the idea, going back to school as a single mom can stir up a whirlwind of emotions, from excitement to anxiety, and perhaps even some fear. 

Raising a child by yourself is no small feat on its own, but returning to school while doing it takes grit and perseverance. It means juggling single-parenting duties with work, finances, and education all at once. However, a new degree can open the door to new opportunities and more financial freedom down the road. It’s a big step and a personal choice. Only you know what’s best for you and your family.

If you need a little guidance on how to go back to school as a single mom, we’ve got your back. In this article, we’ll cover everything from how to manage emotions and build a support system to finding financial aid, choosing the right program, and protecting your mental health along the way. 

Honor Your Feelings But Don’t Let Them Hold You Back

Does dreaming about going back to school spark a fire in you, but also leave you with lingering feelings of fear, guilt, or self-doubt? It’s not uncommon for many single parents to have any of these thoughts: 

• “Am I being selfish?” 
• “Is it too late for me?”
• “Can I really pull this off on my own?”

Those feelings are completely valid and normal. Being a single mom already comes with the pressure to put everyone else in your family first, but your dreams matter, too. Going back to school doesn’t mean you’re putting yourself over your child. In fact, you’re teaching them a valuable lesson — that it’s never too late to chase your dreams. Honor your feelings, but also recognize that this choice can provide long-term stability, confidence, and opportunity for you both.

Create a Plan That Works for Your Life

Once you’ve decided to go back to school, the next question becomes: How? Everyone’s schedule, support system, and energy level are a little different, so keep this in mind as you plan ahead. The key is to design a realistic plan that fits your life. 

It’s not just about picking a school but about choosing a path that meshes with your responsibilities and honors your time. That might mean fewer classes per term or doing homework after bedtime. It’s hard to know what’s going to work until you try, but flexibility, honesty, and pacing are your greatest assets here.

Explore flexible options and pacing

Many schools offer flexible formats built with busy adults in mind. Consider looking into part-time programs, online degrees, night classes, or asynchronous courses that let you progress at your own pace. If full-time schooling isn’t realistic, these alternatives can reduce stress and make getting an education feel less like an uphill battle.

Online programs can be a game-changer for single parents. You can attend classes while supervising play time, listen to lectures during lunch breaks, and avoid the commute altogether.

Be realistic about your time and bandwidth

If you’re a single mom going back to school, your time is precious and likely already stretched thin. When setting goals and expectations around education, be realistic by factoring everything into account. This includes your work schedule, your child’s needs, and your own. Try to be honest with yourself about how much you can take on each semester.

Start small, even if that means only taking one class at a time at first. You don’t have to do it all at once to make meaningful progress toward your academic goals. A plan that protects your energy is one you’re more likely to stick with.

Explore Financial Aid and Scholarships

If finances are your biggest concern, you have options. Financial aid is out there specifically to support students like you. Start by filling out the Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) application, even if you’re not sure if you’ll qualify. From there, you can learn more about access to grants, loans, and work-study programs. Many single parents may also qualify for Federal Pell Grants, which don’t need to be repaid.

Next, consider looking into scholarships specifically designed for single parents and adult students. The Jeanette Rankin Foundation, the Live Your Dream Awards (formerly known as the Soroptimist Program), and the Patsy Mink Foundation all offer financial support to women going back to school.

Many schools also offer tuition payment plans, so be sure to ask about these before enrolling. If you’re currently employed, ask your employer if they offer tuition assistance as part of your employee benefits.

Build a Support System You Can Lean on

Going back to school as a single mom doesn’t mean you have to go it alone. Building and leaning on your support network, before signing up for your first class, is one of the smartest, most sustainable steps you can take.

“The saying ‘it takes a village’ is so true when you are juggling the demands of parenthood and your education. It is crucial to seek out support in a variety of ways, practical and emotional, as you navigate this chapter of life. Being able to ask for help is a sign of strength and allows you to achieve your goals as a parent and as a student. For example, maybe there is another mom in your class and you can trade off child care or study together while your children play, which would provide both emotional support and practical help. In addition, don’t hesitate to reach out to your school and ask about any resources they may have available to help support your educational journey as a parent.”

– Talkspace therapist Jill Daino, LCSW-R, BC-TMH

Maybe this means your sister watches the kids one night a week so you can study, or you find a classmate to swap notes with when family emergencies pop up and you have to miss a lecture. Accountability buddies can also be a great way to keep yourself on track.

Don’t overlook resources at your school or in your community either. Some campuses offer on-site child care, parenting support groups, and peer mentorship programs. The more you’re able to build a village around you, the more supported and capable you’ll feel as the workload mounts.

Quiet the Guilt, Trust the Goal

If you still can’t seem to shake the feeling of “what if I’m not doing the right thing?” start by acknowledging that that’s normal. So many single parents grapple with the guilt of worrying about missed moments, stretched schedules, or whether they’re asking too much of themselves or their children.

Next, remember that going back to school as a single mom isn’t a detour from good parenting—it’s part of it. You’re not stepping away from being a parent but rather stepping toward a brighter, more secure future for you and your children.

Your kids may not fully understand your decision, but that doesn’t mean your efforts are going unnoticed. By modeling resilience and perseverance, your kids will learn that growth, lifelong learning, and self-investment are valuable at any stage of life. As they get older, they’ll look back with greater appreciation for your drive, the sacrifices you made, and your underlying motivations. 

Find Calm in the Chaos With Coping Skills

Life as a single mom and a student can feel nonstop, but there are still ways to cultivate calm moments amongst the chaos. Try quick resets like:

• Voice-note journaling while folding laundry
• Five-minute breathing exercises for anxiety before class
• Reciting a simple mantra or positive affirmation when you feel untethered

These little pauses don’t require much time or energy, but they can make a big difference in managing stress before it spirals into single-parent burnout.

Find Your Rhythm With Studying at Home

Going back to school as a single mom doesn’t require large blocks of uninterrupted time to find effective methods of studying at home. Maybe you review flashcards on your phone during your lunch break or save larger assignments for after the kids are in bed. If your kids have homework too, study time at the kitchen table can become a family affair. 

Don’t worry if your routine isn’t perfect from the get-go. Start with what feels realistic and adjust as you see fit.

Know When to Reach Out for Mental Health Support

If anxiety, stress, or exhaustion starts to feel more like the rule than the exception, it’s time to check in with yourself and possibly with a professional. 

Mental health support shouldn’t be thought of as a last resort but rather a proactive and empowering part of caring for yourself and your child. Therapy can help you navigate shifting responsibilities, manage burnout symptoms, and process the emotional burden of balancing school and solo parenting.

If you’re struggling with back-to-school anxiety and consistently find that you have trouble sleeping, frequent bouts of irritability, or persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, consider seeking support from a licensed professional therapist sooner rather than later.

“Seeking out the services of a licensed mental health provider offers another layer of support along with developing practical tools to help during this time. Therapy can provide a safe space to discuss your stressors, brainstorm solutions, and process all of the daily ups and downs as a parent and student.”

– Talkspace therapist Jill Daino, LCSW-R, BC-TMH

Find Strength and Support With Talkspace

Talkspace connects you with licensed therapists who can help you navigate the pressure of juggling school, parenting, and everything in between. With flexible online therapy options, you can get mental health support from your phone, on your schedule, and in your own space.

Whether you need help managing mom burnout, building confidence, or simply processing the big changes you’re facing, Talkspace is here to support your journey. 

Have you ever caught yourself thinking you’re not doing enough for your child or that you’re somehow falling short as a mom? You’re not alone. In fact, 94% of moms surveyed experience mom guilt, often driven by unrealistic parenting expectations, curated social media feeds, and a harsh inner critic. This constant pressure can leave you feeling like an imposter, questioning whether you’re enough.

But here’s the good news: mom guilt doesn’t have to control you. By practicing self-compassion, connecting with fellow moms, and seeking professional guidance, you can challenge these feelings and free yourself from the need to be perfect. A therapist, for example, can help you reframe those negative thoughts and replace them with empowering strategies through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).

If you’re tired of feeling like a bad mom and ready to break free from the cycle, you’re in the right place. Let’s explore how you can embrace your imperfections and grow into the mom you want to be.

Unpacking Why You Feel Like a Bad Mom

The feeling of being a bad mom usually comes from social media, low self-esteem, and societal expectations. Let’s explore the hard truths of why you feel this way and what you can do to feel better. 

The pressure to be the “perfect mom”

From the moment you find out you’re pregnant, everyone seems to have an opinion on what you should do — from pregnancy diets to baby care to when you should return to work. Add in the endless advice for new moms from social media and society’s standards of motherhood, and it’s easy to feel lost. 

The truth is, there’s no single “right” way to be a mom. The pressure to measure up to an idealized version of motherhood only fuels feelings of overwhelm and self-doubt. These expectations can make you question your choices and feel like you’re failing as a parent, even when you’re doing your best.

Social media comparisons

As a mom, your social media feed is filled with perfectly curated posts — meal prep photos, picture-perfect parenting moments, and matching outfits. It’s easy to feel like you’re falling short when your reality looks nothing like the polished, flawless images on screen. Maybe you’re running on little sleep, sporting comfy clothes, and dealing with the daily chaos that comes with motherhood. 

It’s completely normal to feel out of sync with these seemingly perfect posts, but remember: most of what you see on social media doesn’t reflect the whole picture. What’s shared online is often a highlight reel, not the messy, real moments behind the scenes.

Unrealistic expectations and societal norms

Every mom has a unique parenting style, but the pressure to conform to an idealized version of motherhood leads to feelings of inadequacy. Whether your style is more laid-back or structured, societal norms make it hard to feel like you’re doing enough.

For generations, society has shaped the idea that women must be both nurturing and strong, balancing the delicate art of raising children while being financially independent. We’re expected to devote time to our kids yet also excel at work. Take maternity leave, for example — the Family and Medical Leave Act offers U.S. women just 12 weeks of unpaid maternity leave. What if you need more time to recover, or you’re trying to establish breastfeeding? It’s no wonder that only 13% of U.S. moms are able to breastfeed for six months, as a study reveals. These societal norms and expectations often create an impossible gap between what we’re told is ideal and what is realistic, making it harder to reconcile our personal needs with society’s demands.

Personal upbringing and the inner critic

Your upbringing plays a significant role in shaping how you view yourself as a mom. If you struggle with confidence, it’s easy to fall into a cycle of self-criticism, feeling like you’re not measuring up. Perhaps your own mother was utterly devoted to you and your siblings, and now, you feel the weight of trying to do the same. On the other hand, if you grew up in a more neglectful environment, you might find yourself questioning how much love you’re able to give your child. 

This inner demand for perfection often mirrors messages you’ve received from your family and community — that anything less than perfect isn’t enough. As a result, you might start thinking, “I have to do more, or I’m failing as a mom,” even when that’s far from the truth.

Recognizing the Signs of Unhealthy Mom Guilt

You’re not alone. Mom guilt is a heavy mix of shame, unrealistic expectations, and low self-esteem. It shows up in many ways, including these common signs:

• Constant self-criticism and doubt: No matter what you do, it never feels like enough. You may constantly question your choices, finding countless reasons to feel like you’re failing as a mom.
• Feeling like you’re never doing enough: There’s always something more to be done, and you’re left feeling like a terrible mother if you don’t do it all. No matter how much effort you put in, you can’t seem to reach the bar you’ve set.
• Comparing yourself to other moms: “The grass is always greener.” Whether you work or stay home, you might find yourself thinking other moms have it easier or are doing it better. If you’re a working mom, you may feel guilty about not spending enough time with your child. If you’re a stay-at-home mom, you may question if you’re doing enough to support your family financially.
• Avoiding self-care out of guilt: Taking care of yourself feels like a luxury you can’t afford. Going out with friends, exercising, or simply taking a break might feel selfish when you think you should be focused entirely on your child. However, neglecting your own well-being can lead to mom burnout, making it harder to be the parent you want to be.

How To Break the Cycle of Negative Self-Talk

The great news is that you don’t have to stay stuck in a cycle of self-doubt. Breaking free from negative self-talk starts with setting realistic expectations and embracing positive thinking. Reframing your thoughts into facts is one of the most effective techniques used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). With different types of CBT available, working with a professional can help you find the approach that works best for you. Let’s dive into the steps and benefits you can gain from this powerful practice.

Reframe your thoughts

Instead of focusing on the idea that you’re not doing enough, take a moment to recognize all the things you are doing for your child. From cooking dinner and doing laundry to bringing them to practice, these everyday efforts make a significant impact. Now, imagine being on the receiving end of all those actions — how would you feel about the person behind those efforts? 

After a long day, don’t guilt-trip yourself for ordering pizza; you’re still showing up, being present, and engaged, and that matters more than perfection. Missing a milestone, like not baking a birthday cake, doesn’t mean you’re falling short. It simply means you’ve dedicated your time to providing in other meaningful ways.

“Imposter syndrome isn’t just for those in a professional environment. As parents, we struggle with the idea that what we are doing will be right for our children. Slow down and challenge those irrational beliefs with facts that show otherwise. Lean into the support system around you, or start looking to build one. Finding a community that helps will also allow you to take a step back and see the whole of the situation and be a good mom. There is no handbook or marker; making sure our children are safe and thriving is proof of it. How that manifests is different for each family.”

– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC

Set realistic expectations

Motherhood isn’t about perfection; it’s about building deep, meaningful connections with your child. The fact that you’re reading this article already shows how much you care. Instead of chasing social media trends or unrealistic societal standards, embrace your authentic self. Focus on your child’s feelings, and create bonds through simple daily acts like reading together or playing outside. These small moments of connection are how you show love, and your child will feel that, recognizing your consistent presence and care.

Practice self-compassion

Self-compassion is your ally in navigating motherhood without feeling like a bad mom. It’s about being kind to yourself and recognizing that every parent has their ups and downs. On days when you feel like you’ve fallen short, remember those moments are simply learning experiences. 

Through self-compassion, you can view mistakes as opportunities for growth. Think about how you would support a friend going through similar feelings — you’d be understanding, right? Now, offer yourself that same empathy instead of judgment. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d extend to your best friend.

“Day in and day out, we struggle to accept that we are on the right path with our children. It is important to take a minute and recognize that you are enough and that mistakes will happen. Making sure you take time for self-care and grace for yourself will allow you to be more present as a mom and as a parent. You are allowed to slow down and take a minute for yourself. Pat yourself on the back. Today your children are safe/healthy/happy again.”

– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC

Practical Steps To Feel More Confident as a Mom

How can you feel more confident as a mom and stop overthinking? The key is in taking simple, actionable steps that allow you to normalize your feelings and ease the pressure. Let’s explore how you can feel like the best version of yourself in your role as a mom.

Lean on a support system

Don’t hesitate to lean on those around you. If you have family nearby, ask for help with the kids — grandparents, siblings, cousins, aunts, and uncles. Also, consider joining a support group or connecting with other moms to share the challenges of burnout, stress, and loneliness in motherhood. 

Once you share the real, messy side of motherhood, you’ll find how much you have in common with others. Even the mom who seems to have it all together — planning every school recital and leading every event — has her own struggles. You’re not alone in this journey.

Take breaks and prioritize self-care

Self-compassion and self-care are not just buzzwords — research shows that they can significantly reduce mom guilt. When you make time for regular exercise, healthy eating, and quality sleep, you’re not just stepping away from your responsibilities; you’re investing in your well-being. 

Don’t forget to also treat yourself to “me time” now and then. Whether it’s catching a movie or enjoying a dinner with a friend, prioritizing self-care for parents helps you feel rejuvenated and ready to give your best to your family. Remember, you’re a woman first, and you deserve moments that are just for you.

Focus on bonding moments rather than doing everything “right”

Quality time with your child doesn’t require expensive toys or life-changing experiences. What matters most is making your child feel heard, valued, and loved. It’s the little moments that count.

Don’t feel guilty for watching a movie together — while they’re getting some screen time, you’re sharing a cozy, meaningful moment on the sofa. Playtime doesn’t need to be a perfect educational experience every time. Allow your child to explore their own feelings and interests, even if it means being a little silly. The most important thing is that you’re present and connected.

When To Seek Professional Help

Motherhood is a whirlwind of emotions, from the highs of fulfillment to the lows of exhaustion and imposter syndrome. The pressure to be a “supermom” comes from many sources — societal norms, social media, and your own upbringing — but it’s an unrealistic expectation.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by guilt, take a step back and reflect on all the ways you’re supporting your child. Practice self-compassion, prioritize self-care, and try shifting your mindset to focus on the positive. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help you reframe negative thoughts and ease guilt, anxiety, depression, ADHD, and insomnia. If you’re ready to explore how to break the cycle of self-doubt, Talkspace offers online therapy with personalized support. Don’t face these feelings alone — let’s work together to reclaim your confidence.

For most kids, summer means a break from the grind of the school year. It’s time to ditch the early alarms, forget about packing lunches, and just enjoy time together, soaking up sunshine for the two glorious months. For many parents, though, the freedom of summer can bring new stress into the home. How do you fill long days in a fun, meaningful way? How much screen time is too much? How do you avoid guilt over not doing enough? How can you get work done, keep up with chores, and survive the seemingly constant chants of “I’m bored”? 

If summer feels more overwhelming than relaxing this year, rest assured, you’re not alone. Struggling with how to get the most out of summers with the kids is pretty common. The good news is you don’t need a complex, color-coded schedule to enjoy summer. Flexible, low-pressure routines can make a massive difference for your peace of mind and your kids’ development. They help prevent the “summer slide” — the loss of scholastic momentum that research shows happens over summer. Having a summer schedule for kids helps. The challenging part is finding a rhythm that works for your family. 

Fortunately, we’re showing you how to do that here. Keep reading to find a summer plan that combines structure with flexibility, so everyone in your house will enjoy the magic of summer this year.   

How to Create a Summer Routine for Your Kids

A summer routine for kids is obviously going to be different from your typical school year schedule, and it’s not about controlling every moment of every day. Instead, focus on building a foundation where kids feel safe, free from anxiety, and supported in their social-emotional growth. Research suggests that schedules improve emotional well-being and reduce anxiety for kids. Creating a structured routine for your family also helps parental anxiety, too. 

Here’s how to create a summer schedule for kids that’s flexible and actually works for your family.

Identify your family’s needs first

Before you start mapping out every summer activity, think about your unique family situation. Knowing your priorities and restrictions upfront lets you make a realistic and sustainable summer schedule for your kids.

When making a schedule, think about:

• Your work schedule – Are you remote, in the office, or working a hybrid setup?
• Childcare support – Will grandparents, sitters, or day camps be helping out?
• Nap schedules – Do you have younger children who need regular rest times built in?
• Existing commitments – What sports, practices, therapy sessions, vacations, or doctor’s appointments are already scheduled?
• Your personal capacity – Take your own energy, stamina, and mental health into account.

Choose anchors, not hourly slots

Resist the temptation to micromanage every hour of the day. Using a time-blocking approach that’s tied to the natural rhythm of your household is much more effective.

Start by asking yourself: When do we generally eat meals, rest, or play outdoors? Then, create a predictable structure around your typical daily activities, starting with your morning routine and working your way through the day. This gives your kids structure so they know what to expect, but you don’t have to micromanage them.  

To use anchors instead of hours, think about every day as blocks of time, like:

• Morning routine: You need to wake up, eat breakfast, and get dressed. 
• Mid-morning: It’s time for active play like outside time, going to the park, or taking bike rides.
• Midday: Break for lunch, screen time, or quiet time.
• Afternoon: Let kids be creative with arts and crafts or give them reading time. You might also use this time for light educational activities a few times a week to reduce the summer slide effect.
• Every evening: Enjoy dedicated family time, followed by dinner and the bedtime routine.

Create a visual schedule together

Kids, especially younger ones, are more likely to follow a routine if they help create it. 

You can make it fun and creative with a big poster board or a printable template. Let kids decorate it by drawing pictures, adding stickers, or choosing the colors to code different activities. Working on a visual schedule together boosts buy-in by giving kids a sense of ownership and independence. It gives them a sense of pride when they stick to it throughout the week.

Rotate activities to keep things fresh

Every parent knows that variety is key to keeping kids engaged, which is why it’s a good idea to mix up plans and activities every few days. 

To help, you can sprinkle in some fun-themed days, like Try It Thursday or Science Sundays, or plan a special day for water play, nature walks, trips to the library, or anything that allows kids to explore something new. You can also create a menu of options they can choose from when time allows. Options can include both at-home activities and ventures out and about.

Build in transitions between activities

Kids of all ages benefit from having time to shift from one activity to the next. Incorporating rituals like snack breaks, a cleanup song, or a five-minute warning helps children anticipate what’s coming next, making transitions smoother and reducing the likelihood of meltdowns or resistance. 

Younger children may need visual timers or verbal countdowns to set expectations when transitioning from one task to another.

Adjust as you go

One of the best tips to consider while creating a summer schedule for kids is that a routine should support you, not stress you out. Be flexible and willing to admit if something isn’t working. 

Early on, it’s good to check in weekly and reflect on what worked well that week. This is also an opportunity to identify where you can improve moving forward. Don’t be afraid to tweak your plan at any point. Summer is long, and flexibility will be your friend.

Remember, the goal is not rigidity. Structured flexibility means finding a rhythm that meets your family’s needs while still allowing you to adapt. It’s the trick to keeping kids excited about their summer days. 

“Children are most successful when they know that a schedule is in place, as it prepares them to know what to expect and plan. However, it is also important to teach that flexibility in schedules/structures is necessary. Showing children that adjustments and adaptations to schedules happen from time to time allows them to be ready for unexpected issues. Allow for the ‘negative’ emotions (frustration, disappointment, sadness) to be present but also model that it’s okay to feel this way, but other viable options are out there.”

– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC

Sample Daily Summer Schedule (Adaptable for All Ages)

Use the following sample schedule for summer as a starting point. You’ll notice how easy it is to adapt it to your children’s ages. The idea works for parenting toddlers, school-age kids, and even parenting teenagers, as long as you think of this as a template, not a rulebook.

Time Block	Toddlers (Ages 1–3)	School-Age Kids (Ages 4–11)	Teens (Ages 12+)
Morning	Gentle wake-up Breakfast Diaper change Free play	Wake-up Breakfast Get dressed Morning chores	Wake-up Breakfast Personal time (reading, journaling)
Mid-Morning	Outdoor play Sensory activities	Outdoor play Bike ride Neighborhood walk	Physical activity (run, gym, sports practice)
Late Morning	Snack Storytime Nap	Snack Learning activity (reading, workbook, science kit)	Volunteer work Summer job Independent study
Lunch	Lunch Clean-up	Lunch Help with meal prep Clean-up	Lunch Connect with friends or family  Take a midday break
Early Afternoon	Nap or quiet time (books, music)	Quiet time (reading, drawing, puzzles)	Downtime (music, creative projects, rest)
Mid-Afternoon	Snack Creative play (blocks, art)	Creative time (crafts, building, STEM kits)	Personal projects Chores Hobby time
Late Afternoon	Water play Backyard time Snack	Free playOutdoor gamesNeighborhood time	Free timeOutdoor hangoutSocializing
Evening	Dinner Bath Bedtime routine	Dinner Family time Board games Bedtime routine	Dinner Family check-in Wind-down Own bedtime routine

Here are some additional tips for adjusting your summer routine for kids by age:

• For toddlers: Keep nap and snack time consistent and use shorter activity blocks.
• School-aged children: Involve your child in choosing activities.
• Teens: Offering teens more autonomy and independence helps them learn to plan a healthy and productive daily rhythm.

Tips for Maintaining Balance and Sanity

Even the best plans aren’t totally foolproof. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the challenges of parenting during summer, remember that it should be fun, not stressful. The following expert tips can help you keep emotional well-being front and center as you create a balanced summer schedule.

Involve kids in the planning

Give kids as much age-appropriate freedom as possible. You can let your child choose daily activities, or challenge them to plan an upcoming theme day. Involving them will reduce resistance and get them excited about upcoming activities. It can also boost confidence and let them practice decision-making skills they’ll use throughout life.

Build in quiet time for everyone

Daily downtime is important for both kids and caregivers. According to research, quiet time supports emotional regulation and helps prevent sensory overload. It doesn’t have to be strict nap time, either. It’s just a chance for everyone, including parents, to have a break, rest, and recharge. 

As your children outgrow naps, this part of the day can transform into reading time or independent play. Even quiet free play is valuable. Studies show it helps kids build important self-regulation skills they’ll need as adults. 

“Downtime is so important for everyone, especially children. It allows them to take a break from a packed schedule and relax. It starts the practice of a healthy self-care routine. By modeling that as parents, we also show the children that it is okay to take some time to relax and take care of themselves. It sets children up for the idea and practice of health boundaries and balance in life. For parents, it allows time to breathe and recenter themselves to be present for their children later on.”

– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC

Keep screen time in check without guilt

Managing screen time is often a stressful part of parenting, but it’s OK to allow some flexibility, especially on the tough days. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry says balancing screen time supports healthy growth and development. 

Experts suggest the following screen time limits by age:

Age	Time Limit
Up to 18 months	Limit use to supervised video chats
18 – 24 months	Limit to educational programs with a caregiver or parent
2 – 5 years	Limit non-educational time to an average of 1 hour per day (and no more than 3 hours on weekend days)
6 years and older	Monitor screen use and encourage healthy activities and habits, both with and without screens

Setting reasonable limits can prevent sleep issues, declines in grades, mood problems, body image issues, and more. Remember, it’s about balance. An occasional movie marathon or video game session won’t derail your summer or ruin your kid.

When to Ask for Help (and Why It’s OK)

No matter how good it is, a schedule for summer won’t erase all your stress, but it’s a good place to start. If you’re struggling to manage the summer months and you notice increased irritability, difficulty sleeping, or feeling overwhelmed by even small tasks, it may be time to seek help. You’re not alone. Almost all parents can relate to the toll that juggling work, childcare, and family needs takes.

Reaching out for emotional, mental, or physical support is a crucial part of self-care for parents. Therapy can be a valuable tool for all parents. Whether you’re managing a crisis or just trying to stay grounded, taking care of your own well-being is the best way to model healthy coping skills. 

If the mental load of summer feels heavy this year, Talkspace makes getting help through ongoing therapy convenient and affordable. Find out why therapy is for everyone in the family, from kids and teens to parents, and you connect with an online licensed therapist when, where, and how it works for you, without putting your family’s needs on hold.  

Feeling the sting after a teen lashes out with an “I hate you!” is one of the worst moments of parenting. Maybe they said it after an argument, or it came out of nowhere, but either way, you probably feel a little gutted right now. It’s painful — and it can make you question yourself, your parenting style, and your relationship with your child. It’s essential to know two things right now. One, you’re not alone; and two, your relationship isn’t permanently broken. 

So many parents find themselves asking, “Why does my teenager hate me?” It’s a common stage in adolescent development that likely won’t last. That doesn’t mean it isn’t a challenging time. Understanding why it seems like your teenager hates you and figuring out what’s really going on will help. 

With the right support and guidance, you can navigate the teen years and develop a stronger relationship with your child. Read on to learn why teens hate their parents and strategies to cope and improve your relationship with your child. 

Common Reasons Your Teen May Seem Like They Hate You

If your teen’s behavior is confusing you or leaving you feeling rejected, it might help to know that there are several common reasons behind that tough exterior they’re showing you. 

Understanding what drives a teen’s actions can offer insight into their world and shed some light on why it seems that your teen hates you. It can also remind you that the anger or distance you’re experiencing might be masking something much deeper. Their feelings and developmental needs can be part of the issue.

So, why do teenagers seem to hate their parents? 

Developmental changes

The teen years are a time of massive change for kids — physically, emotionally, and socially. Your teen’s brain is still developing, especially the parts responsible for impulse control and emotional regulation. Research shows that teens are more likely to take risks and that they need far more emotional and social support during this phase of life. 

It’s normal for their emotions to run high and their reactions to be bigger than expected. If your teen’s moods seem unpredictable, or you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, you’re not imagining things.

Desire for independence

Not long ago, your child was young and wanted to be by your side for everything. Now, it feels like they want to be as far away from you as possible. It’s no wonder you feel like your teenager hates you.  

Although it can be painful, this push for independence is a healthy and necessary part of growing up. It’s hard not to feel rejection. It might feel like your teen is pulling away, spending more time alone or in their room, and insisting they’re old enough to make their own decisions. 

This isn’t about you failing as a parent. It’s about your teen trying to figure out who they are independently from their family.

Peer influence and social pressure

Friends and social circles start to matter more during these years. If your teen suddenly changed their style, interests, or values, you might feel like you don’t recognize them at all anymore — but this may just be their attempt to fit in. Social comparison and the added pressure that stems from the effects of social media on teens make many teens today feel misunderstood at home, like their parents don’t “get” them. 

If you feel like the enemy lately, peer influence might be to blame. Studies show that peer approval is a major motivator for teens and can lead to conflict at home if family rules clash with what “everyone else” is allowed to do.

“Peer pressure or social comparison can intensify tension between teens and their parents because they use these two forces to develop their own identity. As they get closer to their peer group, they identify less with the parental programming of how we look and act as a family. Breaking out of the role that the family developed is what happens in this developmental stage of adolescence. It can be extremely unsettling to the family unit because the teenager’s identity experimentation can be experienced as a loss of the child they are familiar with.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Karmen Smith LCSW DD

Conflicts over rules and boundaries

There may not be anything more normal than a teen challenging rules and boundaries. It’s a natural part of them testing their independence. These days, it might feel like every other day brings with it an argument about curfews, screen time, or chores. 

When you set limits, your teen might accuse you of being unfair or trying to control them. It helps to remember that this pushback is about more than just the rules. It’s their need to feel heard and respected. 

It’s maddening to feel like you’re in a constant power struggle with your teen, but knowing that you’re not the only parent going through this can help. It’s more common than you think. Research shows that family conflict typically increases yearly when children are 14 – 18 years old. Remind yourself that this part won’t last forever.   

Anger as a mask for other emotions

When your teen lashes out, it’s likely not just because they’re an angry teenager. Underneath their harsh words and behind those slammed doors, teens are trying to navigate big feelings. Most don’t have much life experience in dealing with pain or hurt, stress, loneliness, embarrassment, disappointment, fear, rejection, or insecurity. 

Helping teens express emotions is a complicated task. Your teen might struggle with emotions they don’t fully understand yet, like rejection by a friend or humiliation after a bad test grade. They may not know how to express these feelings, so they appear angry. Once you can recognize this pattern, you’ll be a step closer to understanding what’s going on with your teen.

“Emotions are commonly hidden beneath a teen’s anger, such as hurt. It is easier in American culture to see hurt feelings expressed as anger. Anger can be seen in politics, TikTok, and movies. Rarely do you see the vulnerability of sadness, reconciliation, and communication of deep self-reflection. An anger that blames is what teenagers see and express, unless they have seen how vulnerability can be a way toward identity formation.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Karmen Smith LCSW DD

Feeling misunderstood

Most parents will hear the words, “You just don’t get it,” or “You never listen” at some point. Feeling misunderstood is common for teens, especially since they don’t know how to articulate all the new, complicated emotions they’re experiencing. 

If it feels like your teen is shutting down, or if they’re suddenly always being sarcastic, it could be a sign that they feel unheard or dismissed. While their attitude can deepen the wedge that may be growing between you, remember that how you react to your teenager can make them not want to open up in the future.

How Parents Can Handle Resentment or Hatred from Teens

If your teen is pushing you away or lashing out more than usual, we know that it’s painful, but there are some tricks you can use to open the door to healing. Learning to listen, validating them, and setting healthy boundaries with empathy can transform your relationship, no matter how difficult things seem.

Active listening

When teens are angry or upset, many parents’ first instinct is to want to fix it. They’ll try to jump in with advice or corrections. What your teen needs most right now, though, is for you to just listen.

Active listening requires full attention, which can be difficult if you’re busy offering unsolicited advice. However, it can help your teen feel seen and respected, and it works even if you don’t agree with everything they say.

How to actively listen to an upset teen:

• Let them finish their thoughts
• Make eye contact
• Resist the urge to interrupt
• Don’t judge (hard, but an essential and powerful part of active listening)
• Respond with what you hear: “I understand that you’re frustrated. Do you want to tell me more about what’s going on?” 

Empathy and validation

It’s easy and sometimes tempting to want to dismiss your teen’s feelings. What seems like drama or overreacting to you is probably very real and overwhelming for them. Finding ways to validate what they’re experiencing is important, even if you don’t understand it. 

Validation doesn’t mean you agree with or condone a behavior or attitude. It just means you recognize what they’re feeling is real to them. Validating those feelings is a powerful way to connect with your teen. Experts note that growing up in a safe and supportive family environment promotes resilience and positive development. 

To offer a distraught teen empathy and validation, you can say things like: 

• “It sounds like you’re really upset about what happened at school. I know how tough that must be.”
• “I can see how frustrated you are. It’s OK to feel like this.” 
• “I know this isn’t easy, and what you feel is entirely valid, even if things are overwhelming right now.”

Setting boundaries with flexibility

Kids need boundaries. Clear rules help your teen feel safe, but family boundaries should be flexible, too. If they’re too rigid, they can backfire. Setting expectations together, explaining your reasons, and listening to your teen’s perspective is the best way to set boundaries they’ll respect. 

Working together to create boundaries helps you get buy-in from your teen. It shows that you trust them and want them involved in decision-making. Being flexible and making them part of the process will also help resolve power struggles.

When setting boundaries with your teen, consider:

• Negotiating curfews 
• Coming up with reasonable screen time limits together 
• Being flexible on special occasions or as a reward (e.g. prom night might warrant some leeway on curfew)

Modeling healthy communication

All kids watch their parents, and most will emulate their behaviors. Your teen learns to handle conflict by witnessing your reactions to life events. If your go-to is yelling, shutting down, or getting defensive, they’ll likely mirror those behaviors. 

When dealing with your teen, try to model calm, respectful communication, especially when things get heated. If necessary, pause and return to the conversation when ready. Knowing when to walk away (but always coming back to finish things) is a healthy coping mechanism your teen can use when addressing conflict in their own lives. 

To model healthy communication skills with your teen, try:

• Listening without judgment
• Using “I” statements
• Validating their feelings 
• Staying calm during arguments
• Taking responsibility for mistakes 
• Apologizing when you’re wrong

Encouraging independence with support

Worrying about letting go of your teen is normal and even healthy. You might fear this means losing your connection or that your relationship won’t survive. However, supporting independence doesn’t mean stepping back completely. 

Encourage your teen to make their own decisions and choices, solve problems independently, and learn from their mistakes, but be there as a safety net. 

You can encourage your teen’s independence by:

• Letting them choose their extracurricular activities
• Not micromanaging them
• Allowing them to manage their own schedule, with guidance
  

“Parents can support a teen’s growing independence without feeling like they’re losing connection or control by being solid in their own identity. Struggle can occur when we have an expectation and are focused on our own desired outcome. This is what creates a perfect storm. Two forces fighting against each other rather than creating a safe container of unconditional acceptance, which translates into self love when the identity is developed.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Karmen Smith LCSW DD

Be patient

Many phases of parenting are challenging, but the teen years can seem endless, especially if you’re walking on eggshells to avoid an argument. If you’re struggling, remember that adolescence is temporary. Patience and persistence help most parent-teen relationships improve with time. Your teen will mature, grow, and gain perspective. 

When to Seek Help

Tension between parents and teens is common, but sometimes it signals that something more is going on. If your teen seems to be struggling with emotional distress or you see them engaging in harmful or risky behavior, it’s a good idea to seek professional support. Many teens today are living with depression, anxiety, or unresolved trauma. 

If you’re wondering if your teen is in trouble, look for signs like:

• Severe mood swings
• Withdrawing from social circles
• Withdrawing from family
• Exhibiting risky behaviors
• Drop in grades
• Increased truancy 
• Self-harm
• Talking about suicide

Guidance from a therapist or other mental health professional can be critical for your teen’s emotional well-being and can also benefit the rest of the family.

One of the greatest parenting tips is: if you’re worried, trust your gut. You can start by having a conversation with their doctor or a mental health professional who works specifically with children. Early intervention can make a huge difference in how well and quickly your relationship heals.

Don’t forget to take care of your own emotional health, too. It’s just as important as your teen’s well-being. Asking for help — for either of you — is a sign of strength, not failure. It can help you support your teen in ways they need.

Moving Forward with Your Teen

It’s understandable if you find yourself thinking: my teenager hates me. Their anger or distance may make you feel hopeless. Try to take comfort in knowing that as their brain and identity mature, so will their ability to regulate their emotions.

Many parents find that relationships with teens strengthen over time. If you’re feeling isolated or unsure how to move forward, remember you’re not alone. So many parents are walking the exact path you are on right now. Connecting with others will help you feel supported and understood.

If you’re considering therapy for teens, Talkspace is a flexible, private, and effective option. Our services connect teens with licensed, experienced professionals who specialize in teen mental health. Talkspace offers access to support from home through text, video, or audio.

Online therapy for teens offers:

• A safe space to open up about their experiences and what they’re feeling
• Non-judgmental support from someone who understands their challenges
• Flexible scheduling and ways to communicate, including unlimited messaging and live sessions that can fit into busy teens’ schedules
• Coping skills for teens to help them navigate future challenging situations
• Accessibility, even if you’re in a rural or underserved area

Talkspace’s services are covered by most major insurance policies, so your teen can be matched with one of our licensed therapists within just a few days. If you’re ready to take the next step, contact Talkspace today to learn more about the most effective types of therapy for teens.

Bringing two families together is a beautiful but complex journey. Whether you’re stepping into a stepparent role or bringing children from previous relationships together under one roof, there are bound to be growing pains. From sibling rivalries to shifting routines, it’s normal to feel like you’re figuring things out one day at a time.

If you’re navigating these challenges, you’re far from alone. Blended families are more common than ever. In fact, about 1 in 10 children in the U.S. live in a blended family, and by adulthood, roughly 42% of people have at least one step-relative.

Blended families can be full of deep love, new traditions, and strong bonds. However, they often come with unique dynamics that come with growing pains and emotional adjustments. In this article, we’ll explore some of the most common difficulties blended families face and share tools and strategies to help you build stronger connections, reduce conflict, and create a more peaceful home.

Common Blended Family Challenges

Blending a family is a journey with its own unique challenges. These common blended family issues can test even the most well-intentioned families as each member navigates new family dynamics and builds new relationships.

Sibling rivalry and competition

When two families come together, children are expected to share space and time with other kids they may not know very well. In the beginning, stepsiblings may feel more like peers instead of siblings. Additionally, children may suddenly find themselves competing for attention, space, or even parental affection.

For example, the “baby” of the family may feel replaced by a new, younger stepsibling. This unfamiliar sibling rivalry can create jealousy, tension, and bickering between new stepsiblings.

Stepparent and stepchild tension

Building a bond with a stepchild can be difficult. As a stepparent, you may not understand your role in their life. You might feel like an outsider, and your stepchildren might feel disloyal to their biological parent if they get too close. It’s not uncommon for kids to push back with phrases like, “You’re not my real mom!” or “You’re not my real dad!” as they adjust to the new family dynamic.

“Building trust with resistant stepchildren takes patience, consistency, and empathy—show up with genuine interest in their world, respect their pace, and let the relationship grow naturally over time.”

– Talkspace therapist Cynthia Catchings, PhD, LCSW-S

Loyalty conflicts among children

In blended families, children feel stuck in the middle. They may worry that forming a bond with a stepparent or stepsibling is somehow a betrayal of their biological parents. Even if no one has asked them to choose sides, they can still feel pressure. 

As a parent, you might feel torn between giving attention to your biological children and nurturing your new marriage and the relationships with your stepchildren. These emotional tug-of-wars can lead kids to withdraw, act out, or put up walls.

Co-parenting and ex-partner dynamics

Co-parenting successfully with an ex-partner can be one of the most difficult blended family issues. Differences in parenting styles, lingering tension, or inconsistent rules between households can leave children feeling confused and caught in the middle. Simple disagreements over bedtime or screen time can quickly turn into larger problems. 

On the flip side, when co-parents maintain a respectful, cooperative relationship, children are more likely to feel stable and supported. Establishing clear co-parenting boundaries is essential for both your child and your partner.

Adjusting to new roles

When two families come together, everyone takes on new roles. New partners become stepparents (maybe for the first time), and children gain stepsiblings. These changes can bring excitement, but also confusion and discomfort. Kids might wonder how their relationship with their biological parent will change or feel that their family is broken, while stepparents may struggle to find the right balance between being a friend and an authority figure. Without clear expectations, misunderstandings and hurt feelings can be common in a newly formed stepfamily.

Identity confusion

Blending families means everyone has to navigate new roles and relationships, which can lead to feelings of identity confusion. For stepparents, this often means juggling the role of a new spouse and a new parental figure. Stepchildren must balance new relationships with stepsiblings and stepparents while maintaining relationships with their biological parents and siblings. This balancing act looks different in every family and isn’t always clearly defined.

Children may also struggle with their sense of belonging and wonder where they fit in. This uncertainty can make it difficult for them to feel secure in their place within the family.

Differences in parenting styles

One common challenge for blended families is navigating different parenting styles. When parents and stepparents take different approaches to discipline, routines, and values, it can create confusion and frustration for everyone. For example, one parent might be more relaxed about chores, while the other expects strict daily responsibilities. This inconsistency can make children feel unsettled and even spark resentment.

Parents and stepparents may knowingly or unknowingly treat their biological children differently from their stepchildren. Real or perceived favoritism can strain relationships and make it harder for the family to adjust and bond.

“In blended families, it’s essential to create a united front by discussing discipline styles privately, agreeing on shared values, and approaching parenting as collaborative partners rather than competitors.”

– Talkspace therapist Cynthia Catchings, PhD, LCSW-S

Communication

Good communication is the foundation of any healthy family. Communication is even more important (but also more complicated) in a blended family. With so many new and established relationships to manage, misunderstandings can happen easily. Different communication styles, emotional baggage from past relationships, or a desire to avoid conflict can all get in the way of honest conversations. When people don’t feel heard, frustrations can build up and create distance.

In blended families, it’s crucial to create a safe space where kids can share their thoughts and feelings openly. That means not just talking, but also listening without interrupting, judging, or rushing to fix things.

Financial challenges

Blending families often means blending finances, too. Parents might be paying child support to ex-partners, supporting multiple households, and juggling different financial obligations. Questions about who pays for what or disagreements over spending priorities can easily create tension between new and old partners.

Money is an emotional topic in a marriage, especially when it involves kids, past relationships, and future family plans. Without clear communication, the stress of financial problems in a marriage can spill over into other parts of family life.

Overcoming Challenges in Blended Families

Blending a family can be stressful. With patience, empathy, and the right strategies, families can navigate common blended family issues and grow stronger and more connected over time.

Set realistic expectations

Blending a family isn’t like flipping a switch. Relationships, routines, and trust all take time to develop. Although you may want instant harmony, stepchildren and stepparents won’t become best friends overnight. This may be especially true with teenagers, who often need more space and time to adjust. On the other hand, younger children might bond more quickly. However, it’s important to remember that every family’s timeline is different. Big changes, like moving or shifting routines, can add extra stress. That’s why it’s important to give everyone plenty of patience and understanding.

For stepparents, starting slowly can be helpful. Let the child take the lead in how they want to build a relationship with you. Focus on small moments of connection, like a shared joke or an enjoyable family meal. Always celebrate progress, even if it’s slow or uneven. Remember, blending a family is a process, not a race. Lowering the pressure for everything to be perfect right away can make room for real, meaningful bonds to grow over time.

Prioritize open communication

Open, honest communication is key to successfully navigating the challenges of parenting in a blended family. If something feels off or if you’re facing challenges, chances are that your partner might be feeling the same way. Sharing your concerns and being upfront about your feelings can help resolve issues and bring you and your partner closer as you work together to support your blended family.

In blended families, it’s important to set clear family boundaries about what to share with the children to help everyone feel secure. Children, especially older ones, can find themselves caught up in adult conversations or feel like they know too much about their parents’ relationships. To prevent this, parents and stepparents should agree on what information is appropriate to share with children and what should remain private.

It can help to set aside time each week for an open and honest check-in with your partner and children. Be ready to listen without judgment so every family member feels heard and supported as the family adapts. 

Establish clear boundaries and roles

Blended families can feel chaotic without clear boundaries and roles. Who disciplines the kids? What are the house rules? When the roles aren’t defined, confusion and conflict are bound to happen. A family meeting to discuss expectations and responsibilities can help make sure that the established rules aren’t open to interpretation. 

Discipline and parental control can be an especially difficult blended family problem. Many families choose to have the biological parent be in charge of discipline. Stepparents may want to consider the role of a supportive babysitter at first — someone who helps to enforce existing rules for their stepchildren but doesn’t create new ones. 

Create new family traditions

One of the best ways to build connections and limit blended family troubles is to create new family traditions. Your new traditions don’t have to be elaborate or costly. Even small, everyday moments can make a big difference, such as spending one-on-one time with each family member, running errands together, or watching a TV show.

Other simple traditions, like a pancake breakfast or family movie night, gives the whole family something to look forward to and share together. 

Seek support when needed

Blended family issues can be hard to tackle alone. It’s okay to ask for help when things get tough. Whether it’s navigating complicated emotions, handling relationship dynamics, or adjusting to new roles, seeking professional support through counseling can make a world of difference. Don’t wait until blended family problems feel overwhelming. Seeking help isn’t a sign of failure. It’s a proactive step toward building a healthier, happier family.

“When a blended family experiences ongoing conflict, communication breakdowns, or emotional withdrawal, it may be time to seek support. Therapy offers a safe space to explore these challenges, rebuild trust, and learn practical tools for connection and cooperation.”

– Talkspace therapist Cynthia Catchings, PhD, LCSW-S

Building a Stronger Blended Family

Having a blended family isn’t something most families plan for, but that isn’t a bad thing. A 2011 Pew Research survey found that 7 out of 10 people with a stepfamily say they are satisfied with their family life. Success in a blended family doesn’t mean perfection. It means showing up, communicating openly, and making steady progress together. No family is perfect, but every family can evolve with the right support.

If your family is facing blended family challenges, professional help can make a real difference. Individual therapy, couples counseling, or family therapy sessions can help you navigate tension, improve communication, and strengthen your bonds. From providing coping skills for teens in blended families to offering a space to work through the impact of divorce on teenagers, Talkspace has the resources to tackle your family problems. 

At Talkspace, you can connect with licensed online therapists who offer guidance and support for families in transition, providing a safe, accessible space to work through blended family issues. Whether you need short-term support or ongoing care, individual online therapy with Talkspace can provide a treatment plan that fits your life and journey toward healing.

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Traveling with kids gives the whole family a chance to step away from daily routines, spend meaningful family time together, and create lasting memories. For children, these experiences can help them grow and develop through navigating new environments, fun activities, and connections with loved ones. 

Travelling to a new destination is a great adventure for your little ones, but it’s not always smooth sailing. Although family trips can be the experience of a lifetime, they often require an extra dose of patience, planning, and flexibility. 

A few practical strategies can help make family travel less stressful and much more enjoyable. If you’ve ever wondered how to travel with kids without the usual chaos, this article will share 10 tips to help parents prepare for smoother, more relaxed travel experiences with children of all ages, so you can focus on what really matters — making happy memories together.

1. Plan and Pack Strategically

A vacation checklist can help you plan a successful trip. Start thinking about what to add to your checklist before packing. Pay attention to the items you and your family use every day and make sure those items make it onto your list. Keep your checklist in an accessible location to add things as you think of them. This allows other family members to add items they don’t want to forget to the packing list. 

When planning outfits for yourself and your kids, check if your accommodations have laundry facilities. If you can do laundry throughout your trip, you may not need to pack as many clothes. 

It’s tempting to bring everything the kids need and more. However, if you’ll be in or near a big city, it may not be necessary to pack all the diapers your baby will need for your trip, as you can likely buy them there. This family travel tip can save you lots of suitcase space and allow you to pack more strategically. 

2. Keep Routines as Consistent as Possible

Maintaining familiar routines while traveling—whether it’s sticking to the school-year schedule or following your kids’ summer schedule—can help them feel secure and at ease. Eating at usual times and sticking to bedtime rituals give children a sense of predictability, even while traveling to new places. This can make it easier for them to handle changes, prevent meltdowns, and enjoy the trip more.

If your travel plans are flexible, you may also consider traveling in the same time zone. For example, if you live on the East Coast but want to travel somewhere further, you could travel to the Bahamas, which is in the same time zone. 

Changing time zones can be especially disorienting for younger children. If you’re traveling across time zones, consider adding a day or two of downtime when you arrive to adjust to the new time zone. 

3. Pack a “Survival Kit” for Emergencies

No matter how well you plan, the unexpected can still happen when you’re traveling with toddlers and kids. A small “survival kit” can help you weather surprise emergencies on the go. Customize your survival kit based on what you need. 

Here are some items to consider including:

• Wipes 
• Hand sanitizer
• Tissues
• Face masks
• An extra set of clothes for accidents, spills, or unexpected weather changes
• Band-aids 
• Snacks 
• Favorite toys or comfort items, like a blanket
• Refillable water bottle
• Sunscreen and bug spray
• EpiPen (if needed)
  

Make sure your survival kit is easily accessible. That means packing it in a carry-on instead of a checked bag if you’re flying or in an easy-to-reach spot in the car if you’re on a road trip. 

4. Choose Kid-Friendly Accommodations

Where you stay can make or break a family trip. Choosing family-friendly accommodations in mind will make your vacation more comfortable and a lot less stressful.

• Look for family-focused amenities: Cribs, high chairs, and minifridges can go a long way. Some hotels may offer a small kitchen or kitchenette, which is incredibly helpful if you need to prepare simple meals and snacks or cater to your children’s eating habits or dietary restrictions.
• Check for play spaces and kid-friendly extras: Accommodations with play areas, pools, or outdoor spaces where they can safely run around can help kids burn off extra energy. It’s also helpful to check if the location is close to kid-friendly attractions, parks, or stores, so you don’t have to spend too much time going back and forth. 
• Do your research: If you’re traveling somewhere you’ve never been before, try to read reviews from other families to get a better idea of how well your chosen hotel or rental really caters to families. 

When your accommodations are set up to meet your family’s needs, you can spend more time relaxing and enjoying your vacation and less time worrying about the little things.

5. Set Realistic Expectations

Even with the best planning, traveling with kids rarely goes perfectly, and that’s okay. Setting realistic expectations can help everyone enjoy the trip, even when things don’t go to plan. 

Everyone has a different travel style. Some people like to have every activity planned out in advance, while others just show up and go with the flow. When traveling with toddlers and kids, it can help not to overschedule your trips. Instead of aiming for a perfect vacation, focus on creating fun moments and being flexible when things don’t go as planned. Build extra time into your schedule for slower mornings, snack breaks, and unexpected detours. This way, small hiccups won’t feel like big setbacks.

When parents stay flexible and go with the flow, it sets the tone for the whole family. Some of the best travel memories come from unexpected moments, not perfectly planned ones.

6. Involve Kids in the Planning Process

Your trip may go more smoothly when the kids can be part of the planning process. Whenever possible, let kids choose a pit stop, activity, or snack to help them feel involved. When traveling with toddlers, who may be too young to fully understand, you can involve them by explaining what’s going to happen next. Try to frame things in a way they’ll understand. For example, you may try to use naps or meal times to explain how long a car or plane trip will be. 

Older kids and teenagers will especially appreciate being involved in the planning process. Giving kids some agency over what, where, and when the next activity is can help them feel more engaged and more willing to be cooperative. 

7. Break Up Long Travel Segments

Long stretches of travel can be tough on kids, especially a fussy baby or an antsy toddler. One of the most important tips for traveling with kids is to plan for regular breaks to give everyone a chance to decompress. 

• For road trips, look for parks or playgrounds where kids can run around and recharge.
• On flights, encourage movement with short walks or simple stretches. 

These breaks help prevent crankiness and keep everyone in better spirits.

Ultimately, you know your kids best. Try to plan longer activities or sightseeing when they’re most likely to enjoy them. For many families, that’s often the first thing in the morning. Plan your breaks for times when kids normally have some downtime or naptime. Timing activities with your child’s natural rhythms can make the day smoother and reduce meltdowns. A few well-timed breaks and thoughtful planning can make a long travel day much more manageable for your child.

8. Use Entertainment Wisely

If you want to avoid hearing ‘Are we there yet?’ on repeat, be sure to plan activities to keep boredom at bay. A mix of different activities can help kids pass the time, such as books, printable activity sheets, small toys, and travel-friendly games. A brand new toy or game can help keep kids entertained during especially difficult moments, such as an unexpected delay in flights. Rotate your kids’ activities to keep things fresh and give them something to look forward to. 

Some parents also consider relaxing screen time limits. If you’re doing a digital detox, you might want to put it on hold during long family travel days. Loading up a phone or tablet with movies, TV shows, audiobooks, educational apps, and games can be a special treat. 

“Audiobooks may be another way to engage the whole family and encourage reading.”

– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC

9. Prioritize Healthy Snacks and Hydration

Hunger and dehydration can quickly turn a happy traveler into a cranky one. A little preparation can go a long way in preventing “hangry” meltdowns and keeping the whole family feeling good. 

Think of portable, mess-free options, such as: 

• Granola bars
• Trail mix
• Fruit
• Carrots  
• Crackers or popcorn
• Applesauce pouches

Don’t forget to check out the grocery store to let kids pick out their own healthy snacks. If you’re traveling in another region or country, there may be new snacks your kids will be excited to try. 

Refillable water bottles can also help make sure everyone is hydrated, especially during long travel days or outdoor activities. 

10. Stay Calm and Model Flexibility

Kids pick up on the moods and emotional cues of the adults around them. That means the way you react to a delay, detour, or mishap sets the tone for the whole family. Staying calm, positive, and adaptable when you’re stressed can help your children feel more secure and relaxed. 

Even if you’re frustrated and tired from traveling, a deep breath and a smile can help calm your kids’ travel anxiety. By modeling patience and adaptability, you’re teaching your child valuable life skills while making travel more enjoyable for everyone.

“Children are more perceptive than adults are aware of at times. This often shows in how they mimic or take on more emotional and behavioral cues to ‘offset’ parents’ emotional states. When traveling, there is a lot of stress and unpredictability for both children and parents. Ensuring that the parents model positive problem solving behavior and implementing calming strategies, can show children that emotions are valid but working to manage them are also important.”

– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC

Moving Forward: Making Family Adventures More Enjoyable

As a parent, traveling with kids may be more of a “trip” and less of a “vacation.” However, with a little planning, your family trips can give you an opportunity to slow down, connect with each other, and make lifelong memories. 

Ask friends and family for tips on traveling with kids. You should know that your first time traveling with kids may not go exactly as planned. Learn from your mistakes so you can be better prepared next time. Then, when others ask you how to travel with kids, you’ll be the expert. 

Preparing for a trip with kids can be stressful. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by the challenges of traveling (or parenting in general), Talkspace is here to help. Our licensed online therapists offer support for mastering stress management techniques, navigating the challenges of parenting, and taking care of your emotional well-being so you can enjoy more of life’s adventures. Get connected with a therapist so that can help support you. 

Sources:

Were you constantly pushed to achieve as a child, yet you never felt “good enough” in your parents’ eyes? If you relate to this, you might have been raised by a tiger parent. The idea of tiger parenting emphasizes strict, authoritarian parenting styles to push children to succeed. 

While tiger parents often have good intentions, the approach creates intense pressure and takes an emotional toll on young children and adolescents. Adults raised by tiger parents carry resentment and deal with the lasting psychological impacts of such a strict parenting style. Many people who grew up with tiger parents had to manage high expectations to avoid disappointment. 

What is Tiger Parenting?

The term “tiger mom” was first coined by Amy Chua in her book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. She defined it as “mothers of Chinese (or other ethnic) origin who are highly controlling and authoritarian and demand unquestioning obedience with little to no concern for the child’s needs, wishes, or emotional well-being.” Tiger parenting focuses on ensuring a child achieves the highest level of success, no matter the cost. 

While tiger moms are often described as in Asian American families, research shows it’s far from the norm. In fact, a study by Kim et al. found that only about 1 in 5 parents from Asian-heritage families were considered “tiger parents.” 

Strict upbringings and tiger parenting styles usually stem from immigrant parents who have faced hardships. Fears of poverty, economic instability, and cultural expectations all drive how parents choose to raise their children. Many immigrant parents make sacrifices to move to the United States and offer a better life for their children and future generations. They fear that if their children don’t try hard enough, they won’t be successful. 

What It Feels Like Growing Up Under a Tiger Parent

If your parent fits the “tiger mom stereotype,” you likely remember plenty of pressure and disappointment as a child. Do any of these tiger parenting examples sound familiar to you?

• You felt like your parents’ love was conditional on your success, whether it was in academics, music, or sports.
• Excellence was expected and rarely praised.
• You were constantly compared to your siblings, other kids at school, or the children of family friends.
• You faced intense pressure to be the best at school, sports, and extracurricular activities.
• You feared the harsh criticism that accompanied failure, and you didn’t receive much encouragement.
• You didn’t get much emotional validation and rarely heard “I’m proud of you” unless it was tied to an achievement. 

With so little support throughout their upbringing, adults who grew up with tiger parents manage mental health struggles that overshadow their accomplishments. 

The Lasting Effects of Tiger Parenting on Adult Children

Tiger parenting seems to set children up to become accomplished adults. However, many adults who were subjected to this parenting practice as children find that they resent their parents and their upbringing. It’s common to feel a loss of identity and a lack of self-worth. Exploring your emotions surrounding your childhood can help you address these challenges in adulthood. 

Higher achievement, but at what cost?

It’s no secret that the tiger mom stereotype creates successful, driven children. Many have strong work ethics and discipline that were instilled from a young age. Career options praised by tiger parents include doctors, lawyers, and star athletes. You may have achieved your lofty goals, but what other consequences are you dealing with? 

Difficulty with self-worth & identity

Putting all your self-worth into your accomplishments makes it harder to recognize your other attributes. People raised by tiger moms struggle to recognize they’re worth more than a grade or a trophy. They also have a harder time forming an identity outside of what they excel at — even when they’re no longer interested. Children of tiger parents chased their parents’ dreams, goals, and expectations for so long that they don’t know where their identity lies. 

Mental health challenges

Adult children raised by tiger moms often deal with mental health challenges. This is especially true when it comes to depression and anxiety. The constant stress of chasing and achieving perfection without much praise or reward can take a toll on your mental health over the years. 

Struggles with relationships

Tiger parents rarely give compliments or express emotions. As adults, children raised under this parenting style struggle to form deeper connections with those around them. Friendships, romantic relationships, and work partnerships can all suffer from the lasting impacts of the tiger parenting practice. 

How to Heal From a Tiger Parenting Upbringing

Ready to start processing your childhood and upbringing after living with a tiger parent? We’re here to remind you it’s possible to heal and forge your own path through life. 

Recognize that your worth isn’t conditional

The first step to healing from your tiger-parenting upbringing is to recognize that your self-worth isn’t linked to your academic achievements or career accomplishments. This can be especially difficult, as many adults spend years validating their worth through excellent grades, awards, and proper careers. 

You also need to unlearn the notion that failing is inherently a disappointment. Experiencing failure is an important part of maturing, as this is where learning and growth happen. Remember to have compassion for yourself as you face failures and changes. Look at each opportunity as a chance to move forward and offer the self-assurance you wish you had as a child. 

“When working with individuals whose sense of self-worth is based on unreasonable expectations, it starts with verbalizing what those expectations are out loud. Then, the work starts to challenge and adapt those expectations to more reasonable and attainable expectations. Understanding how our past influences our ideas and expectations goes a long way in working on creating more realistic and reasonable expectations.”

– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC

Setting boundaries with parents

Setting family boundaries can be a healthy way to heal from strict tiger parenting as an adult. This is a difficult process, especially when factoring in cultural expectations from Asian cultures that influence Chinese parenting styles and other Asian American parenting practices. Many tiger parents left behind their families, home countries, and careers to find better opportunities for their children. 

Enforcing boundaries looks different for everyone. Some people want to maintain relationships with their parents. Others decide to cut contact or limit their interactions as much as possible. 

Even as an adult, your tiger parents may try to influence you or make comments about your life choices. Remind them that you are happy, healthy, and satisfied in your life. As an adult, you make your own choices and handle the consequences that may come. If you feel a conversation is unproductive, you’re allowed to step away from toxic parents.

Finding your own path

When was the last time you tried something for yourself? Tiger parents usually dictate their children’s schedules and activities, leaving little room for passion projects. Try exploring something you’ve always wanted to try, like art, traveling, poetry, or even a new career path or major at school. 

It’s normal to feel fear and uncertainty as you navigate these new experiences. Your tiger parents have likely chosen your path for years, and it’s time you take back control. You may also find yourself struggling to find an identity after pursuing interests outside of achievements. Forging your own path can lead to unexpected positives, including new joys, friendships, and confidence. 

Relearning emotional expression & vulnerability

Adult children of tiger parents can experience repressed emotions after years of following their parents’ wishes. You likely didn’t get much say in your life, and there probably wasn’t much room for expressing your thoughts, opinions, emotions, and personal goals. 

Fortunately, you can relearn how to express and regulate your emotions. Talk therapy, journaling, and connecting with others through deep conversations are all great outlets. If you’d like to try, sit down and reflect on what you believe a fulfilling life looks like beyond just success. Write down your thoughts and share them with others in your life. 

Seeking therapy or support groups

Therapy isn’t a sign of weakness or failure. In fact, it’s a sign of strength. You have recognized you need help and wish to change your way of thinking to become better. Unpacking your deep-rooted beliefs and expectations instilled during childhood takes time and effort. It is also difficult to accomplish alone. 

“It’s always important to start by validating that seeking help isn’t a bad thing. Oftentimes, clients who have experienced strict parenting find it difficult to ask for any kind of support or help. Making sure that the space is open and safe helps the client feel less like they are doing something wrong and creates a space for them to be open. It’s important to create a judgment-free environment.”

– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC

Support groups and individual therapy offer options to those looking to work through their tiger parenting upbringing. Some people find strength in relating to others in group work sessions, while others value the privacy and relationships that individual therapy provides. Common techniques used in individual therapy to address the consequences of tiger parenting include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and the concept of “reparenting” your inner child. 

Still living under the same roof as your tiger parents? Explore tips on how to tell your parents you need therapy to get ahead of your healing journey.

Breaking the Cycle With Mental Health Support

Even after so many years of being raised by a tiger parent, healing is possible. Your upbringing doesn’t define who you are as an individual. These realizations take time, and therapy is a key part of working through complex emotions and disordered thought processes. Digging deep to find who you are as an individual and your own self-worth is essential to your healing journey. 

Talkspace can be a helpful resource for those seeking mental health support. Online therapy sessions offer flexible and convenient access to therapy for those who may be overwhelmed by in-person sessions. Together, Talkspace can help you find emotional vulnerability and a new appreciation of your self-worth. 

Parents of adult children often face unexpected challenges as their children grow older. Nobody tells you that your job as a parent doesn’t end just because your kids grow up. Your role and the relationship fundamentally change, though, and it can be tempting to fall back into parent mode when they’re disrespectful as adults. The sting of their rudeness, coupled with frustration and disappointment, can be emotionally exhausting. Dealing with disrespectful adult children is challenging, but it’s not uncommon. Many parents of grown children find themselves seeking ways to handle the complex dynamics that arise when their grown kids exhibit such behavior. Knowing you’re not alone can help parents feel supported. 

If you’re looking for tips on how to deal with disrespectful adult children, keep reading. Learn how to address and manage disrespectful behavior while fostering mutual understanding and self-respect. From setting healthy boundaries to improving communication, you need a balanced approach to parenting adult children. As years go by, the interactions with your grown child may require different approaches. However, you can work toward a healthy, respectful relationship with your grown children while still prioritizing your well-being. 

“When a family respects each other by the words and the tone of their voice when communicating, it shows that they care for each other. Although our emotions from time to time may reflect frustration or anger the majority of the time it should reflect a base level of care, respect and understanding. Over time this is the communication that supports connection and a unified family.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Karmen Smith LCSW DD

1. Set Clear Boundaries

If you’re dealing with disrespect, setting clear, firm boundaries with your adult children is crucial. Boundaries are one of the most effective responses to disrespectful behavior. They communicate your limits and define acceptable vs unacceptable behavior. If your adult child is often rude or dismissive, be clear that you won’t tolerate it. 

To set effective boundaries, calmly explain the behavior that you want to be changed. Let them know the consequences if they can’t respect your new boundary. This approach not only fosters respect but also instills a sense of responsibility in your adult son or daughter. You can say something like, “I understand you’re upset, but speaking to me like this is hurtful and unacceptable. If it happens again, I will step away from the conversation.”

“You may have heard that it is our responsibility to teach someone how to treat us. This is very true most of the time we accept how someone treats us even though it causes discomfort and could be abusive. Their actions may be the result of us giving our power to them. It is powerful to say,  “No, that does not feel right to me.” Saying no may be a good practice in setting clear boundaries and a sign you can take back your power.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr Karmen Smith LCSW DD

2. Stay Calm and Composed

Young adults can test parents’ patience, but maintaining composure helps. Dealing with disrespect can spark a strong emotional reaction, but responding with anger or frustration will only escalate the situation. Staying calm and composed is essential when communicating effectively and dealing with ungrateful adult children who have disrespectful tendencies.

Take a moment to pause and breathe before you respond. Then, you can approach the situation with a clear head. Communicating effectively and controlling your emotions are powerful ways to de-escalate conflict. If the behavior escalates into something more harmful, such as when parents are dealing with abusive adult children, it’s important to take appropriate action.

“Hurting people hurts people. We do not need to let ourselves be the target for hurting people. We have the power to set boundaries. We can set standards for ourselves based on what we will and will not accept, by doing this we stop a patterned cycle ”

– Talkspace therapist Dr Karmen Smith LCSW DD

3. Reflect on the Underlying Issues

Disrespectful behavior often stems from deeper issues impacting your child’s actions. Look at potential underlying causes to try and understand why your adult child is acting out. Are they struggling with personal stress, dealing with unresolved childhood conflict or trauma, or resentful of something that happened? These underlying issues may be why your adult kids don’t want to be around you​ and are disrespectful to you.

Even though you’re not responsible for solving all their problems, showing empathy and being willing to listen can be the first step toward healthier communication. Try using a simple, nonjudgmental approach to uncover the root cause of their behavior. For example, you can say, “I’ve noticed you’ve been upset lately — do you want to talk about it?”  

4. Communicate Assertively, Not Aggressively

Assertive communication is key when addressing disrespectful adult children. Assertiveness allows you to express your needs and concerns clearly without resorting to aggression.

Using “I” statements helps you explain how their behavior affects you without placing blame. For example, instead of saying, “You’re always so rude to me,” try, “I feel disrespected when you raise your voice during our conversations.” This encourages dialogue and can reduce the chance they feel defensive.

Pay attention to their perspective during the conversation, even if you disagree. Agreeing to listen is essential even when you disagree. This creates a path for meaningful conversations. Acknowledging their feelings will go a long way in establishing mutual respect and understanding.

5. Be a Role Model for Respect

As a parent, you set the tone for the relationship you build with your children. Consistently model respectful behavior and treat adult children with the same courtesy and consideration you want from them.

Note that this doesn’t mean you should tolerate disrespect. It means you show them how to navigate disagreements in calm, constructive, healthy ways. Even adult children are more likely to adopt healthy modeled behavior when they see you handling conflict with dignity and empathy.

6. Don’t Enable the Behavior

Some parents unknowingly enable disrespectful adult children by tolerating the behavior and not enforcing consequences. It’s natural to want to maintain harmony, but enabling disrespect will only make things worse.

Set firm but fair consequences for disrespectful attitudes. For example, if your son or daughter lives at home and blatantly ignores the house rules, let them know their continued disrespect will result in a loss of privileges. If disrespect continues beyond that, it might be time to discuss alternative living arrangements. Following through on the consequences is crucial and will send a strong message that you won’t tolerate disrespectful actions or behavior in your home.

7. Seek External Support if Needed

Dealing with disrespectful adult children can take a toll on your emotional and mental well-being. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. In therapy, you’ll get valuable insights and learn effective coping strategies. A therapist can help you navigate the complexities of the parent-adult-child relationship. You’ll learn to identify and effectively address unhealthy behavior patterns. Various types of therapy, such as family therapy or individual counseling, can offer valuable tools and guidance to navigate the complexities of the parent-adult-child relationship.

Professional guidance can be a game-changer if you struggle to communicate with or set boundaries for your adult child. Consider using online services for mental health support, which can be a convenient option for many parents. If you’re concerned about affordability or accessibility, some online therapists accept Medicare.  

Moving Forward with Confidence

Navigating the challenges of disrespectful adult children is not easy, but it’s a journey worth taking. Building a healthier, more respectful relationship with your adult children requires consistency, patience, and a commitment to personal growth.

Remember, you have the same right to be treated with respect as your adult children do. By setting boundaries, communicating effectively, and getting support when you need it, you can build a relationship that’s based on mutual understanding and care. Along the way, don’t forget to focus on your own mental and emotional well-being. Prioritize self-care for parents so you can continue to support your grown children in positive ways. A healthier, happier you is essential for your own peace of mind — and it can create a more positive and balanced relationship with your adult children.

If you’re overwhelmed with trying to manage disrespectful adult children, consider seeking help from Talkspace’s online therapists experienced in family dynamics. Talkspace therapists can provide the tools and support you need to reclaim or build your relationship. Take the first step with professional online therapy covered by Medicare as you begin your journey toward emotional well-being and a respectful bond with your adult child.

Sources:

1. Oliveira C, Fonseca G, Sotero L, Crespo C, Relvas AP. Family Dynamics during Emerging Adulthood: Reviewing, integrating, and challenging the field. Journal of Family Theory & Review. 2020;12(3):350-367. doi:10.1111/jftr.12386. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jftr.12386. Accessed December 16, 2024.